Okay even though I am super busy today with the works of academia and... well... life. I have just had an epiphany and was made aware of not only how to stay out of the friend zone but also to be aware where the friend zone is being built and how to transcend into the more physical phases of Close. Firstly I have 3 stories to tell.
Story 1 – a girl I was seeing, and to not get into too much detail but I could have definitely had sex with her, but then didn’t lead me straight into the friend zone. A massive sticking point for me is that I built too much rapport and not enough sexual tension. For you to continually progress to the Full Close you need to continually add sexual tension and physical escalation if you don’t do this you will be friend zoned.
Story 2 - Monday 20th February, Location: Hubs, Event: Dance Lesson. I saw a girl (HB: 6) sitting on the side by herself, I’ve seen her around before but I haven’t had a proper conversation with her and since I was tired of training, I decided to give my social skills a work out and began a conversation with her. So I sat down next to her and I started with a situational opener “How come you aren’t training or taking part in class?” Sure some may consider this a weak opener but it got her talking. A neg came easy since she went to the rival university and because she wouldn’t get involved in the class. Kino was also simple as I not only negged her but physically gave her a little shove. Then I DHVed with Name Mnemonics so I could remember her name, whilst all of this was going on we where building rapport – usual fluffing topics, where are you from? What do you study? How did you get interested in that? Etc. When we got into our conversation of hobbies we had very similar interests so I rooted the conversation by suggesting that we go to the theatre sometime. I usually do Neil’s business card routine for a phone number exchange but I didn’t have any. So I said confidently, “hey give me your number.” I got up grabbed my phone and then we swapped phones and I got her number – easy. We instantly noticed that we had the same phones, and since I’ve been having some trouble with mine, I asked her if she wouldn’t mind coming over to mine some time and taking a look at it – she said she wouldn’t mind. Whilst we sat there talking I noticed a few IOIs - her legs and feet pointed towards me, she held my eye contact, light touching and she asked questions that continued the conversation, she was compliant and agreed with stuff that I was saying.
Later on, people from training went to get food at a Chinese restaurant so I invited her along, she said she had already eaten but I persuaded her anyways (bounce). Walking to the restaurant and at the restaurant I performed many take aways, I talked to her, talked to someone else, walked with her, walked with other people. At the meal I had so much Value because everyone was talking to me and I held the conversation whilst around 5 other people where listening to me. After the meal I walked her home, when we walked home, there were more IOI’s, she complimented me, held eye contact, more touching and lots of laughing. In hindsight (as I type this up), I realise that I had been building rapport for far too long and whilst we were walking home, I should have instigated more kino escalation i.e. holding hands and I needed to phase shift into a more seductive frame of mind. When I got to her house, we hugged and I could sense a little sexual tension and I probably should have acted on it.
Story 3 – Tuesday 21st February. I’m on a night out and I notice a guy approach a one set. They start talking and he sits down next to her, after around 10 minutes he is sitting really close to her, there is also kino, he has her arm around her, he touches her hair, I’m close enough to notice whispering and slow talking. He looks at her eyes, he looks at her lips, he leans in, she doesn’t pull back, they stay like that for about 2 seconds (builds sexual tension) then they are making out. Strangers to Kiss Close in about 20 minutes. I’m mostly in shock and really wanted to know what he said to her, I’m also super jealous of the guy because I know the dude and he’s a dick. Then I’m dancing with a girl I know and it’s a style of Spanish dance which can be danced at arm’s length and with bodily contact, whilst I was dancing this dance, I realised and was actively aware of my body’s difference in emotional states when we danced apart and up close. When I danced up close I got the same feeling of sexual tension, then it hit me.
I need to create this sense of sexual tension between my target and I so that we both know, and are aware of phase shifting and so that she is ready to be kissed and so that I know I can go in for the kiss. This can be done by compliance testing, continuous touching like putting my arm around her, touching her hair, speaking slowly, looking into her eyes and keeping her gaze and whispering. I need to be actively aware of this sexual tension so I know how to create it and when to implement it, so I don’t get stuck in the friend zone. I also need to man the fuck up and don’t be afraid of going for the kiss, because if I don’t show manly qualities then she will lose interest. My friend (girl) told me once that: “Girls don’t mind if men try to kiss them because if they aren’t interested then they can simply pull away and explain the situation, but they will be PISSED OFF if they like you and you don’t try to kiss them.” Remember it’s all feedback if you mess up, there’s nothing a little conscientious discussion and relationship management can’t fix.
Points to remember:
1. Be A Man.
2. Be aware of sexual tension – know how to manipulate it
3. Go for the Kiss
Donatello
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